Feeling

I feel cold. I feel alone. Is that because I am truly alone or because it goes along with the Gothic Image? So many say they are alone and no one understands them and blah fucking blah. I wonder if they know what it is like to really be alone, really misunderstood. I wonder if they have ever truly felt the icy grip of loneliness on their heart, their spirit. Feel it dragging them down. Would they try so hard to make people think they are truly this way if they knew what it really felt like? Am I as fake as they are? This loneliness that I feel, is it something I can change, something I have made up, or is it something real and I am doomed to have them close to me forever? If I could change it, would I? I have become so close to these feelings of being alone, these feelings of despair, sadness, rage, self hatred that if I were given the opportunity to become happy and calm and love myself, would I take it? No, I wouldn't. These feelings are my home, my sanctuary even if they are fake, how can I leave them? I don't know anything else except that with these feelings I am home and that is where I will stay.